I love my man so much but lately, he doesn’t show up

Ever been stood up by someone you cared about? We’ve all been down that road before. It usually goes like this.
You meet someone, become interested, decide to give it a chance. Before you know it, courtship is moving exactly the way you imagined it would. He’s the puzzle piece that’s been missing in your love life.
You’re happy, complete, hopeful, and transcending on to cloud 9.
He’s faithful, loving, supportive, trustworthy, and downright amazing. Oh, he’s a great communicator too. For now, at least.

Say Good-Bye Date Nights

Eight months down the road, everything is moving smoothly. The usual romantic patterns are progressing well.
He calls you up. You both agree on a place and time. Like the good person you’ve always been, you show up 15 minutes early like the good old times.
This time though, things seem a little different.
He’s never been five minutes late. It’s now 30 minutes later, and he’s no show. One hour later, still nothing. Two hours later, nada!
He’s not calling either. You pick up your phone to call. Instead, you check your messages. Nope! he hasn’t texted either.

By now, you’re halfway through your second glass of Moscato. Thoughts run in your mind: “Maybe it’s the traffic, maybe it’s something worse.” “Why is he not calling. Is he even serious?”
You decide to call, but the phone goes straight to voicemail.
Worst case scenario, maybe he got involved in an accident.
“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I sacrificed my evening to be here only to get stood up.”
End of the night.

Reality Starts to Sink in

The next day, your phone buzzes during your lunch break at work. It’s him. You roll your eyes and decide it’s best to ignore it the first time. But deep down, you know you want to answer it. “I got stood up by this guy. I have every right not to pick his calls.” You say to yourself.
He persists and calls again. “Maybe something happened to him. Let me swallow my pride and pick up.”

He gives you the lamest excuse for standing you up the previous evening. Something like, “I fell asleep after work and didn’t wake up until late.”
At this rate, all you care about is to be with him. His excuse (lame as it is) seems reasonable. So, you tell him it’s okay. He apologizes and, things go back to normal.

The subsequent date nights are no different.
He’s constantly standing you up. He no longer cares about the time you used to spend together.
He’s not the James you met eight months ago. It used to be fun after fun after fun. It’s now disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.
And you begin to realize how his behavior affects your emotional strength. Oh, and he’s not a great communicator after all. Yikes!
Your best friend calls the following morning to ask how Date-Night-Wednesday went, and all you can say to her is: “Oh, I got stood up again.”

Why do we get stood up?

No one wants to go through the efforts of looking nice for a date only to show up and be sure that the only thing happening is dinner by yourself. Sounds fun if you ask me. Haha!
But jokes aside.
Much as we hate it, it happens. When it does, you’ve got to accept and move on. But moving on is a lot easier when you know the reason you got stood up.
So, why does it happen? Well, the only sure-fire way of knowing is asking the person doing it. He’s the only one in a position to offer a valid explanation for not showing up.

Other than that, maybe you need to accept that he had an accident, fell asleep on the couch, feared rejection, had to clean his mother’s bathroom or had to put in extra hours at work. Whatever lame or genuine excuse he has like these people here, you’ve got to take his word for it.

What everyone expects you to do when you get stood up.

It’s a lot easier to give someone advice than take it. One can never know what you’re going through until they step in your shoes. Likewise, when you get stood up, the expectation is that you become some hard-core human superhero who is immune to emotions.
Here is what everyone expects you to do when someone stands you up.

Everyone expects you to be calm.

Everyone will tell you that when your date stands you up, it’s best to try and stay calm. And yes, it is true. No one expects you to start throwing tantrums at the innocent waitresses.

It’s easier said than done. Right?

But no, you cannot stay calm. You’ve spent the past eight months investing time and effort in someone. You’ve given up an entire night of Prime Video to be with the one person you thought meant the world to you.

When it happens, you start questioning your worth. Your confidence is greatly affected. Your self-esteem is severely damaged. How in the world does anyone expect you to act like everything is normal?

Everyone expects you to be positive.

Imagine being bullied at school. Every day, you wake up to the nightmare that you’re about to confront your biggest fear, your bully. Then all of a sudden, someone tells you that everything is going to be okay. Do not worry.
Thanks for the pep talk, but I still have to face the one person I hate most.
Likewise, if you get stood up, you feel unworthy. You feel like you’re not enough. Everyone will advise you to maintain a positive attitude, that soon someone worthy will come along.
They will tell you to focus on your life and be mindful of the things that bring happiness.
It’s pep talk again. But it doesn’t make me any less invalid.

Everyone expects you not to establish contact.

When the person you care about stands you up, everyone expects you to maintain your dignity. After all, you don’t want to seem like a needy woman.
It’s what society expects of us. Unfortunately, the human mind doesn’t operate similarly. When someone stands you up, rejection forces you to look for answers. You want to know the real reason so that you get the closure you deserve. Everyone deserves to know why things turned out the way they did.

Why You Were Stood Up and What To Do About It.

Hey, do you remember the book called, He’s Just Not That Into You? I hope you do. This book reminds us that if someone wants you, they do all it takes to chase you down no matter what. So, let’s not beat around the bush. If he stands you up, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t value you, your time, and your presence.

He’s not a good match.

If the person you cared about stood you up, it’s a clear indicator that he doesn’t follow up on his commitments. Such behavior usually leaves one party feeling constantly frustrated. That said, you have no obligation to continue seeing this person again. You deserve happiness and should always put yourself first. You might want to look at the exit door.

What’s the catch?

If it’s someone you deeply care about, a little benefit of the doubt doesn’t hurt. Don’t be quick to look at the exit door especially, when it’s just one date. Examine the behavior a few times before you make up your mind. But one time should be enough to bring out the red flags.

You’re too needy.

Women don’t like needy men. Needy men are constantly looking for women’s approval. They do everything out of their way to ensure the women like them.
Likewise, we can flip the coin. Women can be needy as well. Needy women are constantly looking for validation from men. They lack confidence, never keep their emotions in check, need a lot of reassurance, and suffocate their love interests.
If you get stood up, chances are he’s trying to get away from you. He’s trying to avoid your needy behavior and lack of emotional control. Your behavior is driving him away.

What’s the catch?

Take a moment to analyze your behavior. Find ways to spend time alone. When you agree to meet somewhere, settle on a time and intentionally try to be late. If he shows up before you, he probably values your time together. If he doesn’t, walk away.

He’s engaged somewhere else.

Hey, I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you. If your man is a no-show for date night, chances are he’s committed somewhere else.
He’s constantly canceling and giving you lame excuses because he’s protecting himself from doom. You’re probably the other woman.
He doesn’t want to lose you, so he comes up with lies to keep you around.

What should you do?

Honesty is crucial in any relationship. Have an honest conversation with your partner early on before things escalate. Open up and define the terms of your relationship without leaving out any details.

One of you is disrespectful.

Anyone who doesn’t care about how you feel is flat-out disrespectful. You got stood up because of your behavior. Maybe it’s the family that you disrespected. Or said something offensive. You can never really tell what triggers someone to disconnect from you. If it’s something you wouldn’t want anyone to say or do, you should avoid it as well.

What should you do?

Don’t be the insensitive partner. Be vigilant of your partner’s emotions whenever you’re together. Pay close attention to your partner’s interests. It’s the tiny details that can lead him to stand you up.

A final word.

I should mention that being stood up by your partner requires calmness. Whatever happens, out there, don’t let your emotions override your ability to think logically.