Perhaps something to follow up with my previous post titled: “Female Misfortune.” If you didn’t get a chance to read it, here is a link to it. Make sure you read it and share your comments.
Perhaps what we all have to understand is that it’s inevitable that we all hurt each other in love relationships. Sometimes the magnitude of the hurt varies but we can all agree that hurt is hurt regardless of size.
As Google defines it; hurt is anything that causes pain or injury.
So cheating on your partner carries the same weight as coming home late or saying something insulting.

As the pain escalates, bitterness often builds up. Hatred starts to develop, trust issues start piling, and what seemed like a healthy relationship slowly turns into a dreaded commitment.
While bitterness is felt toward our partners, it’s critical we understand that it’s not the end of the world.
We still have one final lifeline we can choose to activate.Forgiveness!
Forgiveness is hard and often confused with forgetting. No wonder the two go hand-in-hand. Forgive and forget, so easy right?
Unfortunately, some tend to think that forgetting is as easy  as forgiving but it isn’t.
Forgetting carries more weight because you’re required to put your pain to the side and pretend the actions that require you to forgive that person are either an emotional exaggeration or they never happened. Forgetting is very easy to do if you never have to face the person ever again, or, if that person were mature enough to own up to their wrongdoings.
But it’s often not the case with love relationships. You cannot keep hiding from each other.
Forgiveness is allowing yourself to be put in a situation where you’re constantly reminded of everything that caused you that pain and agony, and live through it.
Forgiveness is challenging but when fully applied, it sets the victim and perpetrator free.
To my friend, the pain brought to you by your cheating fiance is hard to bear. It’s even harder to forget, but maybe you could start with forgiveness as the first step to freedom.
How do you do that?

#1 It’s not your fault
The first thing we often feel when we get hurt is to question everything that we didn’t do right. “What did I do wrong?” “How could I miss that?” are the questions we reflect on.
While this is normal, it’s important that we don’t get lost in this state. Some things are just beyond our control and we might never have the answers.

#2 It’s a time process
Forgiveness is not an event you control but more of a process. It’s a set of steps requiring time that work hand-in-hand with emotions. So you can’t really say, “I will forgive you tomorrow, or next year.” This slow healing process must be felt as the pain slowly wears off.
It eventually does wear off, so take all the time you need to make sure you’re good to go.

#3 Be willing to share
Don’t keep all the pain within you to yourself alone. Share everything you’re going through with someone you trust. Sharing opens you up to a different perspective and ideas. It certainly gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself. However, through experience,I have learnt that however  hurt you may seem to be, don’t try to explain to everyone  your side of the story, be selective of the people you choose to share with. You may end up creating more drama than the actual situation. You may also have a chat with the perpetrator but only if they’re willing to do so. Case in point, don’t force  answers.

#4 Commit to the things that will make you better
Because it’s a process, everything you do must be directed toward making yourself better. This means doing all the things that bring you joy and happiness. If it’s exercising daily, reading a book, listening to music, or hanging out with friends, do it by all means. The idea is to do everything within your powers to make you feel better.
#5 Please forgive
It doesn’t mean you will forget what happened, or give you the chance to understand everything, but it gives you an even better opportunity of setting yourself free from inner rage. This inner peace will allow you to live with anyone who has caused you pain. You will learn to handle issues differently and will be better at setting boundaries to prevent the risk of getting hurt again.

As a process, forgiveness is learning to live with those who hurt us by challenging ourselves to do exactly that.